"All I Ask", from Adele's new album '25'

This song really hits me to the core. Such a heart-wrenching, emotion-filled ballad that makes you want to just sit around the corner and sing to your heart's content over and over again. The sadness is overwhelming in every note, but as Adele perfectly said in one of her interviews, "There's joy in sadness." Yes, there is, Adele. The sadness in your music is joy to a broken heart; it's a comfort to a lonely soul. Thank you for that.

(Lyrics copied from www.directlyrics.com)



"ALL I ASK"


I will leave my heart at the door
I won't say a word...
They've all been said before, you know
So why don't we just play pretend
Like we're not scared of what is coming next or scared of having nothing left!

Look, don't get me wrong
I know there is no tomorrow
All I ask is...

If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
'Cause what if I never love again?


I don't need your honesty
It's already in your eyes and I'm sure my eyes, they speak for me
No one knows me like you do
And since you're the only one that matters
Tell me who do I run to?

Look, don't get me wrong!
I know there is no tomorrow
All I ask is

If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
Cause what if I never love again?

Let this be our lesson in love
Let this be the way we remember us
I don't wanna be cruel or vicious
And I ain't asking for forgiveness
All I ask is...

If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends

'Cause what if I never love again?

This time last year....

This time last year
        I was home
This time last year
        I was in your arms
        We were together
This time last year
        We shared a sweet kiss
        For all the months we were apart
        For all the things we missed.

This time last year
        Was pure happiness
        Because I was home
        Because you were my home
This time last year
        I hoped it wouldn't end
        I hoped ours wouldn't end.

But this time last year...
       seems like a thousand years ago.
I'm not home
       and you're no longer mine.

So was it just last year
      when I was in your arms?
Was it just last year
      when we shared that kiss?

Yes, it was just last year. This time last year.

I am back.

I
am
back
and
will 
write
again.

So many things
have happened.
And changed.

I
am
simply
back.

I miss you, Tatay...

Today my family and I went swimming to have a post-celebration of my nephew Ned's 3rd b-day.

Last year, we also went swimming. This time, it's different. Totally different...because Tatay's no longer here. :(

I miss you, Tatay. I could still remember how you enjoyed the waters every time we had a family outing because you were a good swimmer. Though you were not as robust as you were during your prime years in the navy, you did not forget your love for swimming. You were my first swimming teacher, did you know that? It took me a very long time to finally learn it in college, yes --but I would always count you as my first instructor.

I knew you were with us earlier, Tay. I knew you were watching over my pamangkins (your apos) and the rest of the kids. I felt your presence.

I miss you, Tay. Please continue to guide and pray for us your family.

St. Jude Thaddeus

I've come to know St. Jude when I innocently asked around in the office (to no one in particular), one day some few months ago, "Where is the nearest St. Jude church from here?" I got a lot of responses. That week, I was accompanied by my two officemates/friends Zay and Joy to the St. Jude Parish near Malacanang Palance, Mendiola, Manila. Since then, for about a month now, I have come and visited him alone, either to join his novena on Thursdays or hear masses on Sundays.

Here's sharing with you the Novena Prayers to St. Jude Thaddeus, the saint of the hopeless and desperate:

NOVENA PRAYERS

O Glorious Apostle,

St,Jude Thaddaues, true relative of Jesus and Mary, I salute thee through the most Sacred Heart of Jesus! Through this Heart, I praise and thank God for all the graces He has bestowed upon thee. Humbly prostate before thee, I implore thee through this Heart to look down upon me with compassion. Oh, despise not my poor prayers; let not my trust be confounded. To thee God has granted the privilege of aiding mankind in the most desperate cases. Oh, come to my aid, that I may praise the mercies of God! All my life I will be grateful to thee and will be thy faithful client until I can thank thee in heaven. Amen.

L: Blessed Apostle, with confidence we invoke thee!

A: Blessed Apostle, with confidence we invoke thee!

L: St. Jude, help of the hopeless, aid us in our distress!

A: St. Jude, help of the hopeless, aid us in our distress!

Pray for us, that before death we may expiate all our sins by sincere repentance and the worthy reception of the holy sacraments!

Pray for us, that we may appease the Divine Justice and obtain a favorable judgment!

Pray for us, that we may be admitted in the company of the blessed to rejoice in the presence of our God forever.

Most Holy Apostle, St. Jude Thaddeus, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered thy beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused thee to be forgotten by many, but the Church honors and invokes thee universally as the patron of hopeless cases and of things despaired of.

Pray for me who am so miserable; make use, I implore thee, of that particular privilege accorded to thee to bring visible and speedy help where help almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need that I may receive the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, I particularly (here make your request) and that I may bless God with thee and all the elect forever.

I promise thee, O Blessed Jude, to beever mindful of this great favor and I will never cease to honor thee as my special and powerful patron and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to thee. Amen.

L: St. Jude Thaddeus, pray for us!

A: And for all who invoke thy aid!

LET US PRAY

O St. Jude Thaddeus, thou relative of Jesus Christ, thou glorious apostle and martyr, renowned for thy virtues and miracles, faithful and prompt intercessor of all who honor thee and trust in thee! Thou art a powerful patron and helper in grievous afflictions, I come to thee and entreat thee from the depths of my hear; come to my aid with thy powerful intercession, for thou hast received from God the privilege to assist with thy manifest help, those who almost despair of all hope. Look down upon me; my life is a life of crosses, my days are days of tribulation and my heart is an ocean of bitterness. All my paths are strewn with thorns and scarcely one moment passes but is witnesses of my tears and sighs, uneasiness, discouragement, mistrust and almost despair prey upon my soul. Thou canst not forsake me in this sad plight. I will not depart from thee until thou hast heard me. Oh! hasten to my aid, I will be grateful to thee all my life. I will honor thee as my special patron. I will thank God for the graces bestowed upon thee and will encourage devotion to thee according to my power. Amen.

L: St. Jude Thaddeus, pray for us.

A: And for all who invoke thy aid.

OH MY GOD,

I firmly believe that Thou art really and corporally present in the Blessed Sacrament of the altar. I adore Thee here present from the very depths of my heart, and I worship Thy sacred presence with all possible humility. O my soul, what joy to have Jesus Christ always with us, and to be able to speak to Him, heart to hear, with all confidence. Grant,O Lord, that I, having adored Thy divine Majesty here on earth in this wonderful Sacrament, may be able to adore You eternally in heaven. Amen.

(One Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be...for your Special Intentions)

My first encounter with a special child

In my first major SPED class, we were asked to submit a paper about a profile of a special child. I went to Silahis ng Tagumpay SPED Center at Sta. Ana Elementary School in Sta. Ana, Manila. There I met Aaron, an 18yr old student with autism. Through the help of his teacher, I was able to talk to Aaron. Needless to say, I was deeply moved by our simple conversation because in that brief moment, I was able to peek into his simple world...understand his thoughts, share his feelings, feel his heart.

Below is the Conclusion part of my paper (Aaron's full name withheld)...

As defined by the Autism Society of the Philippines, autism is "a developmental disability that severely hinders the way information is gathered and processed by the brain, causing problems in communication, learning and social behavior". Aaron, at age 18, is diagnosed of this disability since he was young and is now trying to blend and cope up, in his own special way, with the learning and social environment.

Aaron's special education at Sta. Ana Elementary School is definitely creating a very good impact in enhancing his personality. By studying and learning the same regular subjects taught to non-SPED children, Aaron can certainly level up with other kids even with his disability. This curriculum also helps special children in improving their cognitive skills, especially the higher levels of thinking. Moreover, it helps them shape their individuality because they are able to be in tuned with what's happening outside the school community such as knowing the news and current events in the country. Amidst the different disabilities present in the classroom, Aaron is also able to build friendships with other special children without fear of any rejection thus enhancing his confidence in himself and in others. The educational and moral support that his teachers and classmates give him definitely adds up to his well-being and social development.

Aaron is also fortunate to have a family that supports his education. His family's acceptance of his condition was indeed the first step towards helping him grow as an individual – first as a son, a brother, a pupil, a citizen and a whole person. The family might have gone a stage of denial at first, but as long as they were able to overcome it and accept Aaron for what he is, then the help that he needs surely has come out naturally because he takes a special role in the family.

Special children who are able to go to school are indeed privileged. Most often, those who come from below average to average-socio economic family status are not given enough attention that they need especially when it comes to providing them good education. In our society, we are more familiar of the faces of these special children in the streets, unfortunately living on their own and with no means at all to take advantage of a decent living and education. In this situation, the help of the local government through reach-out programs of a SPED school in the community is needed to intervene and support these children. On the other hand, those who are already in school, like Aaron, should also be given more opportunity for livelihood means after their basic education. There have been some SPED schools who offer livelihood education which would definitely benefit the likes of Aaron as they grow older so that they can earn for themselves and be less dependent on their families.

On a personal note, I'd like to share that Aaron is my first real encounter with a special child. My heart was overwhelmed talking to him, listening to his stories about his family, how he enjoys playing with his sibling's baby, his favorite things to do and his seemingly love for studying and learning in school. Aaron showed me a realistic picture of the theories and description of special children that I only read and learn from the books and inside the classroom. As a non-teacher and non-Psychology major, my meeting with Aaron definitely flared the desire in me to learn more about SPED and how I, as a future SPED teacher, can do more for them. I now have a firm grasp of what I want to become in the near future – teaching the minds, touching the hearts and transforming the lives of our special children.

I AM SAM: “Intellectual capacity does not have any bearing with the ability to love”

Jul 25, 2009 - this was the paper I submitted in the film review project for my Foundations in SPED course two terms ago.

About two years ago, I was with a friend in a mall when we stopped by at a video store to check out the VCDs on sale. A movie-lover that I am but on a limited budget at that time, I couldn’t decide which movie I’d be buying so I asked my friend of her personal choices, preferably those movies that she already got to see which I haven’t yet. I also told her that I was looking for a romantic-comedy or a chick flick that’s light and funny. She looked around and named a few which I also liked, but when she saw this movie, she immediately gave it to me and very excitedly urged me to pick that one. “I am Sam?”, I asked, “What’s this about? I’ve never heard of this movie, and I’m not a big Sean Penn fan.” My friend said, “Watch it. Trust me, it’s one of my favorite Michelle Pfeiffer movies. You’re not human at all if it’s not gonna move you to tears”. Well okay, I thought to myself, I could probably use some drama over the weekend. Little did I know that this film would eventually become one of my favorites as well – not just because of the actors’ brilliant performances – but mainly because of its heartwarming values, its spirit of hope and love, and the realities it presents involving people with special needs.

Sean Penn played the role of Sam Dawson, a special individual with autism whose intellectual capacity was said to be around that of a seven-year old. The start of the movie showed Sam at work in Starbucks, cleaning the tables and arranging the condiments in a very organized pattern. He impregnated a girl who intentionally left the baby in his care. Sam named his baby girl Lucy, after the song “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” of his favorite band, The Beatles. Despite his disability and un-preparedness to a responsibility, it was amazing how he managed to take care of Lucy during her infancy. He got help from his kind neighbor Annie who taught him most of the child-rearing skills and valuable lessons in life. He also got support from his wonderful bunch of friends who were all persons with disability – one with Down’s syndrome and the three others with autism, all with mild mental retardation. Sam and Lucy found joy in the company of these friends and on the day before Lucy would officially go to school, these friends showed how they loved Lucy as their own when they contributed money to buy her a pair of shoes.

Lucy’s going to school, however, was the start of Sam’s dilemmas. Since he had the mind of a seven-year old, he was questioned by the school how he could take care of Lucy when she’d turn eight. He could barely read and it was even Lucy guiding him through the books. Lucy, being a brilliant kid herself, was aware of his father’s disability and mental capacity so she would sometimes fake that she no longer wanted to read so that his dad would not be left out and instead just read to her the only book he could read by heart, “Green Eggs and Ham” by Dr. Seuss. This behavior of Lucy became manifested in school, when she drew herself with Sam and it looked as though she was the one taking care of her dad. There were indeed times when Sam acted like a younger kid than Lucy, which sometimes embarrassed her in front of her classmates and other people, like an event in her school, in a restaurant and during her birthday party. After an incident in which Sam was briefly put in jail, the Social Service was prompted to take custody of Lucy, while Sam was only allowed to have monitored visits twice a week for two hours. This made Sam very sad so as prodded by his friends, he sought the help of a lawyer, the perfectionist character played by Michelle Pfeiffer. Michelle at first didn’t want to help Sam but eventually offered her pro-bono services just to show it off to her colleagues. Michelle played an important role in the movie because she gave hope to Sam that he could get Lucy back. Although what initially mattered to her was purely winning the case, she was later on moved by the intensity of Sam’s love for Lucy and his friends’ support and because she herself had her own problems with her family, Sam also proved to be her friend. The court proceedings turned out to be very difficult for both father and daughter, but Sam’s burden to convince the family court that he’s able to take care of Lucy was something that his intellectual capacity could no longer muster despite of all the preparation he and his lawyer went through. The court then decided to give Lucy to the care of foster parents but this did not make Sam lose hope. However, when he saw that Lucy seemed happy with her foster parents, he thought it’s better for him to stay away but then later on when Lucy scolded him for not visiting her, he moved in to a house near her. The close father-daughter relationship they had was once again revived when Lucy would sneak out at night to go to her dad’s place. This situation continued days after days and at the end, Lucy’s foster mother came to a very big decision: give Lucy back to where her heart’s happiness was – with her father Sam.

Sam was indeed fortunate despite his disabilities. First, he’s able to find jobs and earn a living. Not too many persons with disabilities are given job opportunities, even with laws in place to safeguard their means of living. This is because not all PWDs are able to find good education that will equip them for a career or better profession. With Sam’s lack of reading and thorough communication or comprehension skills, difficulty to cope with immediate changes in the environment and autistic tendencies to act like a child, it was definitely a major decision on the part of the companies who employed him to take him as part of their working staff. Such trust and confidence on what special people like Sam can do and contribute to the society is what’s lacking in the real world, especially here in our country. The PWDs in the Philippines, despite the commendable laws enacted, are sadly not given the attention and care that they’re supposed to be provided for by the government. Many of them are in the streets, uneducated, unemployed and unfortunately taken for granted because of the public’s lack of awareness on the PWDs’ rights and privileges. If only the government could give free education to our special children and ensure their livelihood by implementing agreements with the private sector, then our Filipino PWDs would be able to prove their worth, earn a decent living and live to the best of their potential.

Second, Sam was fortunate because he’s got Lucy and his friends who loved him for what he was. This unconditional love was what helped him survive the greatest battles in his life. This unconditional love is also what we, normal people without disabilities, should give to these people with special needs. It could probably be hard at first to accept this reality, especially if they are a family member, but giving them our open minds and hearts is what they need most. Acceptance is the initial step towards understanding them because it is only through the acknowledgment of their existence can we move forward to learning how to love them. Sam was accepted not only by his peers who were also PWDs, but also by normal people around him who believed that he’s capable of taking care of Lucy. He might not be able to comprehend things easily as other people do, but as what his lawyer said, “Intellectual capacity does not have any bearing with the ability to love.” This means that all people – normal or with disabilities – feel the same emotions without the need for too much thinking or reasoning. People with special needs have feelings, too. When they’re happy, they smile and laugh. When they feel sad and low, they cry. Probably the only difference we normal people have over them is our capacity to act and function using all the body parts and senses, thus the ability to love is one thing that we share with them – one thing that they, too, should not be deprived of.

Lastly, Sam was fortunate because he got to experience the flaws of the real world yet he still lived his life in his own happy vision. He was unaware of the happenings outside his own wonderland but when Lucy was brought to the world, he took a responsibility that sometimes even normal people – like the mother of his child – would choose to run away from. His days became difficult and very stressful because he not only needed to provide for himself alone, he’s also got a daughter to mind of. His vision was opened not just to the mockery of people around him but also to the oppression of his rights as a citizen. Yet, of all these things that happened to him, he remained positive and never hateful to the people who took his Lucy and ruined his wonderland. Because of this, I sometimes ask myself – what if there were more people like Sam, would there finally be peace on earth because of the absence of those senseless hate-crimes? Would there finally be less corruption or less nature degradation because people are more contented, happier for what they already have and never jealous of what the others possess? And, if more people were like Sam, would there be more people helping other people in need and not expecting anything in return because they would love others for what they are and not for what they can give back? Surely, only God can tell. He has placed everyone in this world in a unique special role and a unique mission to fulfill that matters to Him alone. God indeed works in mysterious ways and it’s just for us to discover the special talents and abilities He especially prepared for us in this world.

“I am Sam” will forever touch my heart in a very special way. Now that I’m studying again to be able to teach special children in the future, I will always remember Sam and his friends who love each other unconditionally so that I, myself, can also help my future special education students see the world as beautifully as they can and bring them towards success in life.

And yes, as fiction as this movie could be, it has again never failed to move me to tears. Thanks to you, Sam.